Postmodern Nihilist DESTROYS Christian Moralist with FACTS AND LOGIC!

SATIRE

Monday night was the first night of the Philosophy Debate of 2019, where members of different ideologies defend their positions in a professional forum. We all know the laughing stock of the entire debacle was the Marxist, who clearly didn't understand the four pages of the Communist Manifesto enough to defend the ideals. However, it was definitely the Postmodern Nihilist who won the debate. He used clever combination sound reason and debate tactics to further support his claim that "Truth doesn't exist, and to try to defend it is stupid and irrational."

The Christian then tried to refute that statement as it was a "fact" and that therefore, absolute truth does exist. "By saying that absolute truth doesn't exist," he said, "You are making a statement that must be true, and therefore, your argument falls apart."

At this moment the Postmodernist began spewing out huge philosophical terms like "hermeneutical" and "epistemological." We still aren't sure what he said but what we do know is that it was really smart.

It was at around this point in the debate when the Hedonist passed out. Upon investigation, we found that he had overdosed on heroin and was drinking hard liquor and therefore was disqualified from the debate.

As the Christian was trying to justify his belief in absolute truth, the Deistic Moralist began repeating everything that the Christian said. (Save the parts about the Bible and Jesus) This led to an inability to understand the debate at all. The medics were examining the body of the Hedonist; The Diest was trying to speak over the Christian; The Nihilist was still saying big words that nobody understood; and the Absurdist decided he was going to get some coffee.

This all took place within thirty minutes of the start time, and all the members of the audience (all being philosophy majors) decided to leave and go back to flipping McDonalds Hamburgers.